Ausweiss, Bitte!

One of the things I hate about the UK is their obsession with, and fetishisation of, paperwork – especailly paperwork blessed and sanctified with the sacred seals of officialdom and bureaucracy.

In this country, Caesar likes to be rendered unto, and it becomes necessary to kowtow to petty bureaucrats if you want to get anything done.

I first became aware of this when I applied for my visa to come here, and had to fill out their forms and what seemed like stringent requirements (I now discover there’s nothing unusual about the visa application – everything you do here requires an equal amount of paperwork).

For example, to get the visa, you need to be employed, and have a letter from your employer. No amount of explaining that you are self-employed, and providing proof of being able to support oneself, will do. So to get the visa, I had to get a client to agree to pretend to be my employer in a letter. Ridiculous.

Want to rent a flat in the UK? Apart from everything else, you need written references and utility bills from all your addresses over the past 3-5 years.
I have been here two months and haven’t been able to open a bank account yet.

Technically, all you need is proof of identity and proof of address. So I have taken my passport, letter from the tax office addressed to me (the only thing that happened smoothly was getting taxed), a letter from my South African bank confirming my details, and a letter from my employer.

Not good enough.

They need some other arcane and esoteric form I have never heard of, or a utility bill. Since I am subletting, I don’t see how I am going to get a utility bill in my name.

And since the place I worked for only pays directly into bank accounts, I’ve worked for two weeks without being paid….

Of course, it’s not actually about paper at all but about social control. Britain is a deeply conservative society, terrified of change, and terrified of the common folks getting out of hand, so controlling them every step of the way seems like the only option, whether it’s paranoid bureaucracy or the Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (ASBOs) that get slapped on working class people whenever they let off a little steam.

Roll on the anti-G8 protests – I can’t wait to express a little anger.